HANDLING ANGER
A Menu of Options for the Healthy Expression of Your Angry Feelings
  1. Talk to your child about anger.
    Everyone gets angry, and children should know this. They should also be taught to use words to express emotions. A child will enjoy learning new words: furious, enraged, annoyed, irritated, outraged, and so on. Family members will feel more in control when anger is acknowledged and allowed a reasonable form of expression.
  2. Avoid words that hurt.
    If you tell your child that he's stupid or he never does anything right, he may take those words to heart. Instead, try to state your feelings simply and clearly: "I'm really furious that you told me a lie." Then explain to your child why you think lying is wrong and why it makes you angry.
  3. Develop healthy ways to blow off steam.
    Aerobic exercises, such as jogging, cycling, and swimming, can put you in a better frame of mind. Yoga, meditation, and relaxation techniques can also help dilute the intensity of your response to the normal frustrations of life.
  4. Turn to other adults for help.
    If you feel angry a lot of the time, ask your spouse or a friend for feedback and advice. If the anger persists, a parent support group may be helpful. In other cases, psychological counseling may also provide you with useful coping strategies.
  5. At the end of a particularly unnerving day, analyze the incidents that pushed you over the edge.
    After kids are asleep, think back and discuss with your spouse or write down as many events as you can remember. In a relaxed atmosphere, devise alternative responses to the episodes that made you angry; these are bound to come up again.
THE EMOTIONALLY SAFE HOME
Of course, parents want to keep their children safe from harm. If we work harder to be aware of our feelings, and express them appropriately, we can allay our children's fears and provide them with a foundation for an emotionally healthy, safer future.
SIX WAYS TO COOL OFF WHEN YOU'RE REALLY MAD
  1. Count to ten.
    If you think you're going to yell at the kids, take a deep breath and start counting. This is a way to calm down so that you can deal effectively with the problem.
  2. Tell your children when you're getting angry.
    You might say, "I'm running out of patience now." Tell them exactly why you're frustrated.
  3. Walk away
    Just as you give your child a time-out when she's out of control, give yourself an opportunity to calm down and clear your head.
  4. Be flexible.
    Let's say your child refuses to leave the playground, and you're furious. Don't yell; problem solve. Give him a five-minute warning so that he can finish what he's doing. Suggest something appealing for him to look forward to doing later. Incentives work!
  5. If you fly off the handle, offer an apology.
    It's good for children to hear a parent admit to a mistake every so often.
  6. View the situation from your child's perspective.
    A youngster may have no idea what he's done to make you angry. Remember, he's only a child, and his behavior simply reflects his level of development.
 
© Copyright 2002-06 Del Norte Child Care Council
All Rights Reserved